Tips and Resources to Help Children with an Incarcerated Parent

Parental incarceration is a difficult experience for children. And it’s a much more common experience than you might realize–it is estimated that around 1 in 28 U.S. children has an incarcerated parent. 

You may be a single parent, raising your child while your spouse is in prison. You may be a grandparent, raising your grandchild while your child is in prison. Or you may be a caregiver for a child with an incarcerated parent. Whatever your unique story is, there are strategies you can implement to help the child in your care thrive. 

If someone you know is raising a child with an incarcerated parent, feel free to pass these strategies and resources along. 

 

Tips for Caregivers Raising the Child

1. Encourage Connection with the Incarcerated Parent

Research indicates that safe visits to see the incarcerated parent are ideal to keep the connection between the parent and the child. These visits can help to minimize the negative effects that parental incarceration can have on the child. The incarceration of a parent can be a heavy loss for a child and feel similar to the death of a parent. You can encourage the parent-child bond by helping the child visit their incarcerated parent. If visits are not possible, there are a variety of communication methods to explore such as video calls, phone calls, email messaging, and letters. 

2. Be Patient, Kind, and Intentional

Parental incarceration is a complicated experience for a child to process that often comes with a myriad of emotions and confusing thoughts. With this in mind, be gentle with the child in your care and patient when they act out. 

Also, go out of your way to do thoughtful things for them. It does not have to be anything expensive or extravagant but showing them that you care and that you notice the little things about them can make a huge difference. Remember their favorite color, their choice of ice cream flavor, and their preferred interests whether it be the arts or sports. Take them to a local park or watch their favorite show with them. Quality time will help them feel seen and loved during this difficult time. 

3. Establish Routines

Routines can add some predictability to a life that feels out of control. Your child’s life has changed, and the world might feel like a much scarier place than it did before. Create a schedule for the child with some daily and weekly activities that they can expect and look forward to. Incorporating routines can create a more balanced lifestyle, ultimately leading to improved well-being. 

4. Give Them Choices

Another way to help a child whose life feels out of control is to give them choices. There is so much in children’s lives that they have no control over. Intentionally building in times they can choose between two options can help them to regain some feeling of control. This article explains how to do that in safe and healthy ways and expands on this idea. Giving choices is one of the strategies taught in TBRI®, which leads into the next point. 

5. Learn TBRI® Strategies

We recommend that you look into TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention), an attachment-based intervention for children with trauma. The absence of a parent due to incarceration can be a traumatic experience for children, and this training can teach you principles to help them overcome the trauma and encourage healthy brain development and behaviors. Learn ideal parenting strategies to connect with your child, empower your child, and correct your child when necessary. 

6. Take Advantage of the Resources Available to You

Children need a way to process what has happened. There are many resources out there to help explain parental incarceration to a child. It is important that you explain it to them in a way that they can understand. Also, they need a safe space to talk about their thoughts and feelings regarding the incarceration. Aim to be that for them and give them opportunities to connect with other children in similar situations. There are free and low-cost programs out there that can encourage this type of connection. 

  

Resources to Access 

Angel Tree® 

• Angel Tree Christmas™ 

• Angel Tree Camping® 

• Angel Tree Sports Camp™ 

• Get connected here 

Prison Fellowship Book Recommendations 

• Books for ages 3-7 

• Books for ages 7-10 

• Books for ages 10+ 

Project Avary 

• Outdoor Leadership Program 

• National Support Circles 

• Whole Family Support 

Sesame Street Incarceration resources 

• Videos 

• Articles 

• Printables 

• Workshops 

National Resource Center on Children & Families of the Incarcerated 

• Investigate programs for yourself here 

• Incarcerated Parents Library 

  

How to Help the Cause 

If you want to get involved in promoting the welfare of children with an incarcerated parent, there are many ways to take action. You could volunteer with a local organization that supports these children. Consider becoming a mentor to a child with an incarcerated parent. You can also make a donation to organizations like Prison Fellowship® (Angel Tree®) or Project Avary. For more ways to support Project Avary such as starting your own fundraiser with Givebutter, click here.